Saturday 11 January 2014

ANXIOUS

Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time.  Perhaps anxiety as a result of uncertainty.


Anxiety disorders are recorded as some of the most common mental health problems, and their very categorization as a 'mental health problem' ensures that there is a stigma and discrimination associated with anxiety.  As with many mental health issues, for the sufferer there is the fear of being alone, and this can be the worst source of anxiety of all, the anxiety of feeling detached from your environment and the people in it.
 
Anxiety can be seen as a 'modern plague'.  Anxiety due perhaps to uncertainty and due to the unrealistic expectations that we place upon ourselves.  Expectations to BE more, to DO more.  And the fear that we won't live up to these unrealistic expectations.  Anxiety is those intense feelings of fear, panic, doom, foreboding, gloom.  These can be accompanied by physical symptoms such as dizziness, nausea, trembling. When your heart beats, pounds, races and in that moment you let the irrational thoughts take over and gain control.
 
Anxiety is not the same as fear.  Fear is regarded as an appropriate response to a perceived threat; something intimidating or dangerous or frightening. Anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, but it is largely unfocused and often irrational; it is seen as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing; a dread of something unlikely to happen.
 
However real or imagined the fear is; no matter how irrational, it is often uncontrollable and it certainly is very unpleasant.


Anxiety is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration, and muscular tension. Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived situation.  But these symptoms of inner turmoil that are experienced are themselves very unpleasant and very real.  It has been suggested that 'anxiety' could be defined as agony, dread, terror, or even apprehension. People often experience physical, psychological and behavioural symptoms when they feel anxious or stressed.  In addition stress and anxiety are known to affect the body's ability to fight disease.
 
So symptoms of Anxiety can include symptoms of restlessness, fatigue, irritability, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, and difficulty concentrating.  It is therefore not terribly surprising that anxiety is associated with living with multiple sclerosis (MS) (it is thought that about a third of people with MS are affected) which not only shares some symptoms (fatigue), but which is itself a source of uncertainty.
 
It is not surprising that living with a chronic condition that is so unpredictable that anxiety is therefore another symptom of the MS that I am trying to understand and come to terms with.  MS is the fear that causes my anxiety.  I live with a constant state of uncertainty and therefore of anxiety. 
 
For me, my source of anxiety is the overwhelming, overpowering, devastating fear that I am not good enough.  My uncertainty leads me to feel that I am not good enough.  That negative feeling.  That nagging doubt. That constant sense of not making the grade.  That isn't good for anyone.  It certainly isn't good for me.  I may not be the best, but I am doing my best.  I am trying to be the best that I can be, and surely that is good enough?


 

16 comments:

  1. I think the worst thing about anxiety is that it is a poison that impacts on everything else, physical as well as mental health. There is no magic pill you can take to cure it - and some of the things they presecribe often make some aspects of it worse. Constant love and support is the only antidote I know of - and you are not short of either! xx

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    1. I am fortunate that I do have love and support, but this means that I feel that I shouldn't feel anxious as I am very lucky. And so I feel guilty and this adds to the anxiety! Everyone gets it to an extent, but that doesn't make it any easier! x

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  2. Hi Hanya - I'm enjoying reading your blog, and this one has caused me to reflect on my own experiences.

    You may have seen the extract from a book by Scott Stossel, The Age of Anxiety, published in last week's Observer - here's a link:

    http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jan/05/scott-stossel-my-age-anxiety-extract

    I was an anxious child (but not to anything like the same degree as Stossel), and I continued to experience acute episodes as an adult. Even today it's often close to the surface. It is thought that there are both genetic and environmental causes: my mother suffered from severe depression and anxiety and was frequently hospitalised, treated with drugs, psychotherapy and ECT, and self-medicating with alcohol and overdoses. Having grown up with this, I'm definitely anxious about, or fearful of, anxiety!

    As you say, anxiety is very hard to deal with or even discuss openly, as it appears so irrational. Stossel writes of his shame about his own anxiety, and writing a book about it as 'coming out', but he concludes that writing the book might provide solace for others and therapy for himself, adding this quote:

    "Learning to know anxiety is an adventure which every man has to affront," Kierkegaard wrote. "He therefore who has learned rightly to be in anxiety has learned the most important thing."

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    1. Thank you for your comment and for sharing Tim. I am still not sure what I am doing, but I am enjoying learning. Thank you for the extract I am sure I will find it useful and interesting. Thank you for coming on the journey with me x

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  3. Thank you for sharing this blog post. I'm fortunate and don't suffer from anxiety. My MS isn't causing me too much trouble, and so I am able to do most of the things I want to do. I write, poetry, and other creative writing things, and MS doesn't stop that. I have many connections both in the writing world and in the MS world, and these connections help me to stay involved and interested.
    I do see many people both in real life, and online who are struggling with their anxious thoughts. Anxiety is a cruel burden in life, when you're already burdened by MS. It's a double whammy that many struggle to cope with.

    I wish you well with your life, and with this blog, Connections help to build a web that forms a safety net.

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    1. Long may your MS not cause you too much trouble meaning you are able to do the things you want to do. Thank you for your kind comments, I hope that you feel able to pop in from time to time to join me on my journey. Hx

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  4. Excellent blog, hanya, I would disagree with one thing, though; 'That nagging doubt. That constant sense of not making the grade. That isn't good for anyone. It certainly isn't good for me. I may not be the best, but I am doing my best.'

    I only disagreed with this because you remain one of the best humans I've evr met. Sincerely.

    Apart from that I loved this. Thanks for sharing, keep up the good work x

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  5. Thanks Bellsy. I hope that one day I will find it within myself to stop doubting and agree with you. Thanks for joining me on my adventure. Hx

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  6. Great blog. Interesting how you have linked MS and Anxiety. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank You for your positive comment. I think ANXIETY and DEPRESSION are quite common symptoms for people with MS, and MS can be a cause of ANXIETY so it is a vicious cycle x

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  7. I like to keep Sir Stephen Fry's wise words at the front of my head....'if there were a reason you could reason yourself out of it'...remember that and forget the whole guilty 'I shouldn't feel like this' nonsense... XXX

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  8. and BIG pat on the back for me for getting my bottom in gear to get meself on here to answer you ;)

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  9. Another great post, Hanya. I had such an "aha!" moment when I first understood that anxiety and depression are both *symptoms* of MS, not just reactions to having to live with it. I also struggle with a natural inclination to feel deficient in everything I do, and for some reason it really helped me to be able to say to myself: "You are anxious because of this stupid disease; it is not some petty personal weakness." I still try to battle it, but at least when it wins (temporarily) I don't blame myself.

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    1. Thank You. It is a horrid symptom, but kind of makes sense. It is still a huge personal battle to remind yourself that you are 'good enough' and not blame yourself. It is good to be able to share that with people who understand, as it helps to know that you are not alone x

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